Dear Libby,

I’m a very well-known cultural celebrity, so I hope you’ll excuse some of the vagueness in my letter. Every year, I make a major public appearance that sends my fans into a frenzy. I do my best to deliver on my promises, but a lot of times, it’s completely out of my control. I just react to what the world gives me. I don’t make the rules, I just play by them.

My big appearance is scheduled for tomorrow morning. Fans have already started to gather around the metaphorical stage. Some of them have flown clear across the country just to see me. I know what they want; I just don’t know if they’re going to get it.

How things go tomorrow will affect the general mood of my fans, and possibly the entire country. Because it’s such a huge deal, I do everything in my power to prepare for whatever might come. This year, things aren’t looking good. All omens point to disappointment on the horizon.

You’re a pretty well-known celebrity in your own right. I know you have droves of fans who hang on your every word. Do you ever worry about disappointing them? How do you deal with that disappointment when it happens?

–A Monopolizer of the Earth

Dear “A Monopolizer of the Earth,”

Unfortunately, disappointing ones fans is simply the price you pay for achieving fame and success. You can’t please everyone all the time. It’s best to just focus on delivering the best show possible. If they’re happy with it, great! If not, oh well. The true fans will understand that you can’t always give them exactly what they want, and they’ll stick by you during the times of failure. It’ll make it that much sweeter when you have your comeback and knock it out of the park.

So tonight, eat a healthy meal. Exercise to burn off that nervous energy. Find something you enjoy to occupy your mind. Then get a good night’s sleep. You’ll wake up bright and early tomorrow, step outside your front door, and tell the world, “Here I am! There’s my shadow! Enjoy six more weeks of freezing your buns off! Good night!”

–Lovingly, Libby