The Emerson Valley Gazette’s acting editor-in-chief Quinn Paxton briefly left her apartment to pick up some much-needed supplies at Walmart. Upon returning home, she discovered it had been ransacked by an unknown intruder during the 45-minute window she was gone. The Emerson Valley Sheriff’s Department was notified of the break-in, but failed to respond to the 911 call for nearly six hours.

“Looks like you’re a bit of a slob,” said Deputy Arnold Thorpe when he finally arrived to take the victim’s statement. “How can you even tell someone’s been through here?”

That was the extent of local law enforcement’s assistance. Miss Paxton was left to deal with the matter on her own. This was no doubt a power play by Sheriff Victor Grayson in response to being held accountable for his questionable actions while in office. In lieu of a police report, this article will serve as an official record of the crime.

Miss Paxton believes the intruder was searching for certain pieces of evidence that could prove harmful to influential Emerson Valley residents. Fortunately, the Gazette’s acting editor-in-chief was not foolish enough to leave such important, possibly incriminating documents lying around her apartment.

Because she no longer feels safe in her home, Miss Paxton has decided to move to a more secure location. For the foreseeable future, the Gazette will be run completely remotely. We ask that the citizens of Emerson Valley aid our lone journalist in keeping the rest of the town informed of any major news as it occurs.

If you have something you believe should be reported in the Gazette, you can contact us at emersonvalleygazette@gmail.com.

-Quinn Paxton, Acting Editor-in-Chief, Emerson Valley Gazette