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Continue reading →: Gertrude WagnerGertrude Wagner: August 6, 1940-November 21, 2019 Gertrude “Gertie” Wagner was born on August 6, 1940 in New Milford, New Jersey to father Robert Peterson and mother Anita Peterson. She was killed on November 21, 2019 in a car accident on Long Branch Road. Mrs. Wagner was preceded in death…
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Continue reading →: Isaac JordanIsaac Jordan: March 16, 1992-November 21, 2019 Isaac Jordan was born on March 16, 1992 in Chicago, Illinois to father James “Jim” Jordan and mother Michaela Jordan. He was killed in a car accident that took place on Long Branch Road on November 21, 2019. He was preceded in death…
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Continue reading →: Horrific Accident Claims the Lives of TwoThere was a horrific accident on Long Branch Road between the hours of 2 AM and 3 AM Thursday morning when two vehicles collided at high speeds, killing both drivers. Isaac Jordan, 27, and Gertrude Wagner, 79, were the only people involved in the accident. Sheriff Oliver Price did not…
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Continue reading →: Local Man Reported MissingAmanda Hollister, a resident of Emerson Valley, reported that her husband, William Hollister, has gone missing. She filed a missing persons report with the Sheriff’s Office this morning, telling the authorities that he had failed to return home from work last night. He is currently employed as a security guard…
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Continue reading →: Dear Libby: My Fiancée Voted For The Wrong Person And I Don’t Want To Marry Her AnymoreDear Libby, In the most recent election, I voted for the only candidate worth anything: Anthony Faulk. For some unfathomable reason, my idiot fiancée decided it would be a good idea to throw basic human decency in the trash and vote for Jim Foley. She even still wanted to vote…
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Continue reading →: The Ballad of Ezra DollarIn the first decade of the new millennium, Emerson Valley had quite the homeless problem. You couldn’t park your luxury vehicle anywhere in town without at least three of them approaching your window and pleading for a few bucks. Obviously, this was an untenable situation. They wore rags and had…
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Continue reading →: Dear Libby: Where Did My Mommy Go?
Dear Libby, My name is Tommy. I can’t find my Mommy. She went out for a snack and she never came back. I think she took a walk in the woods, in the place where we saw the people with hoods. I don’t know if I’ll ever see her again.…
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Continue reading →: 2019 Local Election ResultsThe results are in! On Tuesday, residents of Emerson Valley got out in droves to vote for the mayor (Anthony Faulk defeated incumbent James Foley), as well as the two seats on City Council that were available. All four candidates were new, as incumbent Henry Fisher (Dem.) is retiring at…
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Continue reading →: New Mayor Elected to Lead Emerson Valley into the FutureIt’s official—local businessman Anthony Faulk (Rep.) has defeated the incumbent, James Foley (Dem.), in the Emerson Valley mayoral race. Mayor Foley led the town for an unprecedented four terms, spanning from 2004 to the present. Unfortunately, Mr. Foley recently came under fire over a leaked audio tape that caught the…
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Continue reading →: Double Trouble for Mayor FoleyAs the polls close around Emerson Valley, the early count doesn’t look good for Mayor James Foley. His command post is set up at the Grand Spiral Hotel’s ballroom. Staffers and volunteers swarm the space, desperately seeking a sign that the current trends might change. “I never thought we’d get…
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