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Continue reading →: Missed ConnectionI met you on Valentine’s Day at the Price Depot parking lot. I was the guy with the puffy brown jacket and green beanie. You said I looked like a duck and I quacked. That made you laugh. I took a chance and asked you for your name and number…
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Continue reading →: Darren BookerDarren Booker: May 9, 1999-January 29, 2026 Darren Booker was born on May 9, 1999 in Summerville, South Carolina to Kenneth and Mary Ellen Booker (née Myers). He was found dead at an empty residence on Barber Drive on January 29, 2026. Mr. Booker was preceded in death by his…
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Continue reading →: Singles Night at the Pit StopAs we push through the coldest part of the winter, it can get lonely if you’re on your own. Why not try to find that special someone who can help keep you warm until the spring? If things go well, you might even want to hang on to them for…
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Continue reading →: Man Found Dead in Empty ResidenceLate yesterday evening, local man Darren Booker, 26, was found dead in an empty residence on Barber Drive in Emerson Valley. A neighbor called the Sheriff’s Department to report a loud noise described as sounding like a sonic boom. When the police arrived at the residence, the windows and doors…
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Continue reading →: Big Risk/Big Reward
WANTED: Need a subject in good health with no familial obligations to assist with experimental procedure. High chance of injury and possibly death. Must be resistant to mind-control. If successful, you will receive a big cash reward. Contact Avery Shackleford at 119 Barber Drive in Emerson Valley. This will be…
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Continue reading →: Freak Accident at Power Plant Claims 3 LivesEarly Thursday afternoon, three employees of the Carson Hills Dam hydroelectric power plant were performing routine maintenance on the trash rack when the gate malfunctioned and let a rush of water through the dam. The rakes being used by the employees were caught in the current and they were pulled…
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Continue reading →: Another New Year2025 is almost over. About five minutes to go. I can hear music and laughter a few rooms away. The walls in this motel are very thin. I won’t say exactly where I am. I already ditched my old phone since too many people knew the number. I found that…
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Continue reading →: Intruder Ransacks Apartment of Local JournalistThe Emerson Valley Gazette’s acting editor-in-chief Quinn Paxton briefly left her apartment to pick up some much-needed supplies at Price Depot. Upon returning home, she discovered it had been ransacked by an unknown intruder during the 45-minute window she was gone. The Emerson Valley Sheriff’s Department was notified of the…
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Continue reading →: Merry Christmas, Ya Filthy AnimalsI decided to try to brighten my holiday with a Yuletide tradition I’ve apparently been taking part in all my life without realizing it: the ugly Christmas sweater. I’m a big fan of sweaters and I’m a big fan of fun, silly prints. The louder and more garish, the better.…
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Continue reading →: A Christmas Eve CarolToday went better than I expected. I remembered Marty once telling me the town has big festival in Van Sutton Park on Christmas Eve. I’d been meaning to go see the giant Christmas tree they’ve got there anyway. There were professional carolers and a guy roasting chestnuts over an actual…
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