Yesterday, authorities were alerted by the Emerson Valley Park Service that a body had washed up along Silver Creek River, not far from the “D” trail in Blackwood Forest. The city coroner examined the body and determined it to be that of Robert Delisle, AKA the Dear Libby Stalker, who terrorized Elizabeth Barton (Dear Libby) earlier this year. The police were baffled as to how he ended up in the river when he was supposedly being held on the psych ward at St. Benedict’s Hospital while awaiting a transfer to a long-term mental health facility.

“You can bet we had some hard questions for those doctors,” Sheriff Oliver Price said when asked about the situation. “First and foremost: how did this patient—no, this prisoner—manage to not only escape, but then get himself drowned in the river without anyone telling us?”

The head of St. Benedict’s Psych Ward, Dr. Heinrich Straumann, seemed equally confused when informed that Mr. Delisle was found dead in the river: “I am still asking myself, ‘How can that be?’ When we did our inspection of the cells last night, Bobby was there. It seems impossible to me that he could have gotten out.”

While the authorities puzzle over this mystery, many people have viewed it as cause for celebration. Self-proclaimed “Number One” Dear Libby fan Jennifer Coleman held an impromptu party at Garrison’s Bar & Grill for the occasion.

“I don’t care what anyone says—this is divine retribution for what he tried to do to Libby,” Miss Coleman stated. “God looks out for his own. When He’s busy, we pick up the slack.” Despite sounding like a confession, Miss Coleman denied she meant to imply that she or any of her fellow Dear Libby fans had anything to do with Mr. Delisle’s death. “All I’m saying is that we all pray real hard every night for Libby’s safety. Someone answered our prayers, but it wasn’t us.”

Mrs. Barton was much more somber when informed of her stalker’s demise. “I’m sorry to hear that. He was obviously a very troubled man, and I was relieved that he wasn’t free to stalk or harass me anymore, but I never wished him dead. I wish he’d have been able to get the held he so desperately needed. Maybe he could’ve recovered and lived a normal, productive life eventually. I suppose we’ll never know now. It’s sad.”

Although the police are currently investigating both how Mr. Delisle managed to escape from St. Benedict’s and what happened to him following his escape, Sheriff Price doesn’t believe answers will be coming anytime soon.

“This whole thing’s a mess,” he said. “Everyone’s gonna wanna cover their own rears, so getting to the truth will be next to impossible. We’ll investigate, ’cause that’s what we do, but don’t hold your breath. You probably won’t hear more about this case for a while.”

-Sarah Donovan, Editor & Local News, Emerson Valley Gazette