Dear Libby,

I know this isn’t the sort of thing people usually ask you about, but you’re so knowledgeable about so much, and I’m at such a loss right now, I’m willing to try anything. Ever since my wife left, there’s been a weird water stain on my bedroom ceiling. I’ve gone up into the attic to see if I’ve got a leak in the roof or something, but I didn’t find any sign of water coming from up there. I’ve tried painting over the stain, only it’ll be back exactly as it was by morning.

I have no idea what to do about this thing. I called a plumber, a repairman, an exorcist…none of them could help me. They didn’t even seem to understand what the problem was! What am I going to do? I have to sell the house and split the proceeds with my soon-to-be ex-wife, but who is going to want to buy a house with a mysterious water stain on the bedroom ceiling that they can’t get rid of? Is there anything in your vast breadth of experience you can think to do to help me?

–Stainley Waterman

Dear “Stainley Waterman,”

When’s the last time you went to the eye doctor? I suspect you might have a cataract. Something similar happened to my ex-mother-in-law. She insisted that the ghost of her grandfather was standing at the foot of her bed every night, despite the fact that nobody else could see him. She kept insisting and insisting until finally one day, her husband had enough. He dug up her grandfather and burned the dead man’s rotting bones just to be rid of the ghost. Obviously, that didn’t work, and she claimed her grandfather was still visiting her.

Long story short, it turned out she had a cataract. In the low light of her bedroom at night, she was seeing a blurry mass when she looked at the portrait of her grandfather in the hallway, and it was making her think she was seeing his ghost. What a silly misunderstanding, huh? Boy, was she hopping mad when she found out her husband had desecrated her grandfather’s grave for nothing! But seriously, go get your eyes checked. If that doesn’t solve your problem, you might have to just settle for a lower asking price when you sell your house.

–Lovingly, Libby