Dear Libby,

My boyfriend moved in with me in July of last year. I have a house on Proctor Road, but it’s really small. We’re talking, like, 800 sq. ft. on a good day. There’s two bedrooms, one bathroom, a living room, a kitchen, and a one-car garage. Before my boyfriend moved in, I used one bedroom as my sewing room and I slept in the other. After he started living here, we split the other bedroom so he could have his computer in there.

Things were going really well for the first seven months. Then at the end of January, the unwanted guest moved in. I didn’t mind it so much in the beginning; she mostly kept to herself. But she slowly started claiming more space as her own, and eventually, she decided our sewing room/office should be her bedroom.

It was one thing when I thought she was just going to stay over a few nights while she looked for a new place. Now it’s like she’s moved in with us permanently. I’m a pretty open-minded woman, but I have to draw the line at having my boyfriend’s ex-wife living with us. I see the way he looks at her when he thinks I’m not watching, and it breaks my heart. I’ve never seen him look at me like that.

Sometimes I feel like I should just admit defeat and move out. If he wants to stay with her, fine. I get they were together a long time and she was an important part of his life, but they’re not together anymore. He needs to move on, or he’ll be haunted by her forever. No woman will want to be with him if they know she is part of the equation.

I decided that I’m not going to let her push me out of his life, and I’m certainly not going to let her push me out of my own home. But how do I get rid of her? I tried asking her nicely to please leave and she just laughed at me. It was infuriating! I wanted to kill her so bad in that moment, but then I stopped, took a deep breath, and calmed myself down. It was just a flash of weakness—obviously you can’t kill someone who’s already dead.

I don’t know if you’ve ever had a ghost in your house, but it’s infuriating. She keeps me up all night with her moaning and banging against the walls. Apparently it bothered my boyfriend so much that he’s started sleeping on the couch. I can’t take much more of this. Do you have any ideas on how I can get her out?

–In Need of an Ex-orcism

Dear “In Need of an Ex-orcism,”

I’m ex-tremely curious as to why your boyfriend’s ex-wife decided to haunt you. Ghosts don’t typically follow their loved ones around when they move. Sometimes their spirit is tied to a particular item with strong sentimental value, but they usually prefer to remain unseen. If your boyfriend gave you such an item—let’s say an engagement ring, for example—the ghost might pop out at you when you go to the bathroom at night or cause all the milk in your fridge to go bad. They want to bully you into giving up the item, but once you do, they’ll dissapear again.

This ghostly ex-wife has not only made herself perfectly visible to you at all times, but she’s even moved into your second bedroom. Did that not seem suspicious to you? When’s the last time you heard of a ghost who needs a bed to sleep in? I’m pretty sure your boyfriend just moved his ex-wife into your house and told you she was a ghost so you wouldn’t object. If I were you, I’d turn them both into ghosts for real.

–Lovingly, Libby