Dear Libby,

My wife’s been nagging me for months to make good on a stupid promise I made to get my family a pet. I don’t even know why I said it. We were on our way to my in-laws’ house for Thanksgiving and the kids wouldn’t shut up. They always ask about getting a pet, so I blurted out that if they kept their traps shut the rest of the day, I’d buy them one. Imagine me having to explain to my wife’s parents that their grandkids won’t say hello cause they want me to buy them a pet.

They wanted Santa to bring them a pet for Christmas, but I was able to wiggle my way out of that one by telling them Santa leaves getting live animals to the parents. I said the pet stores were all sold out, and promised them we’d get one as soon as they got more in stock. Every single day when I come home from work, it’s not, “Hi, Daddy! We missed you so much! You’re the best dad in the world!” No, it’s, “Did you bring us a pet, Daddy?”

I really don’t want a dog. They’re too much of a pain to train, and then there’s the constant walking and shedding and pooper-scooping. A cat could be okay, but I’m not crazy about having a pet that might plot to kill me. I’m thinking something like a fish or a turtle. Something that I won’t have to leave the house to take care of once the kids lose interest a week or two in. What do you think? Got any suggestions?

–Pet Shop Boy

Dear “Pet Shop Boy,”

Get a cat. They’re by far the best animal in the world. You won’t regret it. Just make sure you take good care of it. Cats will snuggle you to bits, but if you don’t treat them right, they’ll claw your eyes out, and you’ll deserve it. Don’t get one from a pet shop, though. Take your kids to the Eleanor Darby Animal Shelter on Carson Boulevard, a few blocks from Van Sutton Park. My niece Jillian works there. Tell her I sent you and she’ll make sure you get a wonderful new fur baby for your family!

–Lovingly, Libby