Well folks, it’s that time of year again—Yuletide, the Season of Noel—I’m talking about Christmas. I know many of you are probably excited to gather around the Christmas tree standing like a lone sentinel in your living room, adorned with decorations instead of medals. You’ll be swapping gifts with your loved ones, sitting down to a hearty feast, and sharing smiles and stories of days gone by. It’s a downright idyllic picture—and it’s all a lie.

Do you even know why we celebrate Christmas? No, it’s not the birth of Jesus. He popped out of his “virgin” mother and got stuffed into a manger in the late summer or early fall. We celebrate it because the Church co-opted the popular pagan festival that took place on the winter solstice, right? Nope, wrong again! That’s just a convenient excuse to satiate anyone digging into the history of the holiday. The truth is much more complicated…and much more sinister.

The reason we celebrate Christmas or its predecessors on December 25th is because that’s the day our ancient ancestors would send offerings to the shadows that lurk in the woods. When I say offerings, what I really mean is sacrifices. They would take their children deep into the forest and leave them there to be claimed by the dark forces that dwell there.

Some kids would find their way home, but those who didn’t were claimed by the darkness. Our ancient ancestors believed those sacrifices were consumed, satisfying the cravings of the woods for another year. They also believed the dark forces protected them from even worse dangers looming beyond the edge of sight.

Or maybe I just made the whole thing up. Nobody reads this drivel anyway. If you happened to stumble upon this article while perusing the website, perhaps you need to take a long, hard look at your life and ask yourself, “Why am I here? Don’t I have better things to do?” The answer is yes. Go outside. Take your children to the park. Hike together through the woods. The forest still need to be fed after all.

-Ashton Rook, Lifestyle, Emerson Valley Gazette