Schools are back from their summer break, and if you’re lucky, you’ve already heard the rapping of a tiny fist on your front door. If you’re even luckier, you answered it to find a girl scout standing tall in her sharp brown uniform, toting a wagon filled with delicious girl scout cookies behind her. Once you get that box inside and tear it open, there’s nothing but a few bites between you and pure nirvana. The moment those delicious flavors hit your taste buds, you’ll be transported to a realm of ecstasy.

How do they make those girl scout cookies so darn good? Well, I’ll tell you their secret: they grind up the bones of the dead swallowed by the forest and sprinkle them into every savory bite! That’s right, folks—it ain’t just Soylent Green that’s people! But let’s be honest here, with how tasty those tiny treats are, will knowing the truth stop you from enjoying them? Because I know for sure it won’t stop me! I love the darn things too dang much!

Maybe you don’t believe me. That’s fine. I doubt you’re even actually reading this story. You probably glanced at the pretty picture and the first sentence or two, then clicked off to read something else. I could bury the combination to the lock on Taylor Swift’s underpants drawer in here and nobody would ever find it. At least I’m not getting paid by the word, because I have nothing more to say. Story end.

-Ashton Rook, Lifestyle, Emerson Valley Gazette